I am sitting here thinking about Blake Lively.
I,
40 years old,
Vietnamese-American daughter of immigrants,
a public school teacher who works with English Language Learners,
a small fat at size 14/16/1x,
who has struggled so hard throughout her life to love herself (and often doesn't succeed),
with teenager, an infant, and a toddler (who has autism, by the way),
with a husband who is dealing with his own mental illness issues and lifelong trauma,
with possible ADHD, heart palpitations, possible IBS, osteoarthritis in her knee, and pre-diabetes,
with scars both physical and emotional,
am thinking about Blake Lively,
35 years old,
blonde,
beautiful,
successful (seemingly well-liked),
rich,
with four children,
with probably childcare staff and a personal trainer,
with clothes and things that are probably gifted to her,
with an equally beautiful, successful, and rich husband,
and I'm wondering how in the world we might possibly relate to one another.
I'm wondering if there's anything about my life that she could possibly envy, besides my anonymity.
I'm wondering if even our own versions of motherhood and marriage look completely different, considering what resources we have to work with.
I'm wondering if I'm too hard on myself, comparing my behind-the-scenes to her highlight reel.
I'm wondering if her behind-the-scenes is still more glamorous and more interesting than my highlight reel.
I'm wondering if she ever thinks about someone else who looks like they've got it all together and feels inadequate, the same way I do with her.
I'm wondering if someone ever looks at me and thinks I've got it all together, and feels inadequate.
Well, I don't.
And maybe Blake Lively doesn't either.
Who's to say, really
